Monday, January 02, 2006

California Life

I think it's hilarious that I keep moving to gay hot spots across the nation. First, I did an internship in New York. Then I moved to D.C. for an internship. Now I'm living in California, just outside the Bay Area. Ha!

I moved here with my brother and his family. They have been wonderful! I love them to death. I haven't come out to them yet, but it's really only a matter of time. Admittedly, I am a little sad about my move to CA because I don't have any friends out here, but I think I'll like it a lot once I get to know people. However, I can tell already that I won't be able to live with my brother and his family for more than a few months. I love them to death, but I'm a little too old and independent to live with them for long.

Anyhow, since being out here I've noticed that he has installed Covenant Eyes (the same software that I used for my porn issues) on every computer he has access to – work, home, etc. I'm actually happy that he has the software because I hate my porn habits. I went for four months without it, but then I stayed at my brother's house in SLC, and I totally got wrapped back up in it. Covenant Eyes is my porn savior! I swear by the stuff. It's the best thing ever for keeping me honest on the net.

I never told him I had porn issues, but he was one of my "accountability partners" on Covenant Eyes a few years back. Every week he would see reports of my Internet activity. This was during the time of my shared residency with my gay roommate in Provo. That sucker almost outed me! My brother saw gay Web sites popping up on the reports, and I had to explain that it was my roommate, not me. It really was my roommate. How funny is that? I was almost outted by my gay roommie. I wonder if my brother believed me. After all, he's the one with the wife who totally thinks I'm gay. I bet she was saying to him: "See, I told you Gay Mormon is gay."

Last comment on the "gay" word debate. I really wasn't offended or upset by the things Particular Mormon said. I just noticed that the discussion item had come up a few times in December, so I decided to clarify my usage of the word "gay." It sounds like we're all on the same page now. Yes, I'm gay. No, I don't know if I am going to live as one.

So, I've determined that the church is a lot like crack! I'm totally addicted to it. Remember how I said I'd probably take a break from the church once I graduated BYU? Well, I don't know if I can get off this crazy drug called "church." Beyond the spiritual elements that I enjoy, I didn't realize how much of my social life revolves around it. Honestly, how does a person make friends without it? I'm sure it can happen, but I'm just here to tell you that being Mormon really simplifies the friend-making process. Think about it: every week, you meet with one to two hundred other single people who are in their twenties. Not only do they attend church together, but they also plan regular activities together. It's great in so many ways. I understand that not all of them are "friend material," but you can always find a few who are tons of fun to hang out with. Just because I say that, I won't find any.

This thought process all began the other day when I started thinking about how I am going to make friends here in suburbia. Everyone around these parts has a wife and kids! It dawned on me that my one and only hope is to make friends with the other single adult church goers. By the way, I'm really not sad about making friends with Mormons. I love cool Mormons. The lame Mormons aren't all that great, but the fun ones are worth their weight in gold. For the non-Mormons out there, please don’t judge us by the lame Mormons you know. There are a lot of cool ones out there, I promise. I'm one of them, damn it! At least I think I am. Honestly, if you were to meet me and my friends, you'd want to hang out with us. We're that fun! Hahaha.

I am planning to attend the singles branch (congregation) in San Francisco one of these weeks. I think it will be interesting. I wonder if any other gay Mormons attend. I wonder if openly gay Mormons attend. Hmmm. You'd think at least some of them would be gay considering it's San Fran. However, most of the openly gay Mormons I know are very anti-church. Too bad. I think they're throwing the baby out with the bathwater. But I don't blame them. I understand all too well the difficulties of being gay and Mormon.

That last paragraph ought to put me at the top of searches for "gay Mormon." Ha! It wasn't intentional, I swear. "Gay Mormon" just happened to be in every other sentence.

So I sinned this past week. But I don’t feel bad about this one at all. I gambled. *Gasp* I'm a horrible person, but I did win nearly $100! It was so much fun! (I can see how Vegas is going to become a yearly tradition for me.) However, the good Lord did punish me. I had to spend all my winnings repairing a flat tire. I had a blow out on the freeway on my way to CA. That sucked. God always has the last laugh.

Final note. Have any of you heard of I just found out about it. This chick is funny! She's a stay at home, ex-Mormon mom who blogs regularly. I just thought I'd share my find. I've only read a few of her posts, but they are pretty dang funny. Enjoy!


Blogger DCTwistedLife said...

I think its interesting that you still find yourself able or wanting to hang out with Mormons. I feel myself to be inherently different from all of them. But then, my family and upbringing was very very unorthodox (maybe uncommon is a better word) compared to 99 percent of Mormons. So I never really fitted their mold to begin with. I had a few friends from church (three) while growing up. The rest I hated. lol. At least Im honest...they were judgmental, fake, and very mean to me. But I guess you had a different story growing up. I had to find different outlets and I much prefered friends outside of church...I just found ones who werent crazy party animals or whatever. I guess that makes it doubly hard for you to think of not going to church. Its def. hard for me, but not because I'd miss out on the social aspects. If anything thats the part that i'd miss the

About San Fran...enjoy it! It's supposed to be lots of fun. I've never been further west than Colorado...but California is on my list of places to visit this year. And yes there will be plenty of gay boys for u to look at...assuming ur like me and are too afraid to touch.....yet. lol.

About the porn thing. I always found that when I relaxed about it, I kinda got over it and stopped getting into it. After all, its the same crap over and over... seen one seen them all...etc. lol. Take it easy with that.

Take care!

10:04 AM  
Blogger Jesse said...

You said it perfectly about making friends in new places! Being Mormon really helps. When I move to D.C. next year, it will be my first move without the church and it will be interesting to see where I make friends.

11:05 PM  
Blogger onDfence said...

Yea the church is good for making instant friends. I now have 4 other room mates waiting for me in my new town, even though I haven't met any of them.

I like you in the past couple of months, I some how managed to keep traveling to gay hotspots...heehee my tip is to stay away from the gay friendly book stores. I got suckered in a couple of times in different towns becuase I was just too curious. About the books and the people inside. I have more self control these days.

I too wonder about other gay mormons. Isn't like between 1 in 10 to 1 in 25 of the population gay? So if you have 200 YSA, there would be at least 8 there. Although I have a feeling the inactive rate might be pretty high.

2:45 PM  
Blogger SF_CA_NiceGuy said...

Just FYI:

Not having read through your blog completely (very little actually), I don't know if you are already aware of the organization "Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons." But if you're not, you can find out more about it at the national website: www.affirmation org. There is a group in the San Francisco area that meets locally a few times a year for social activities. You're welcome to join our group if you're interested. If you want more info, you can contact me at:


6:47 PM  
Blogger Dave Walter said...

Out of any place in the country, San Francisco has got to be hte one city where you can meet the widest variety of gay people.

I know people in S.F. who you would never encounter in a gay bookstore, rarely in a gar bar, and occasionally in a gay restaurant. The reason is that they're just plan people who. like just plain straight people, tend to focus on their home lives -- watching TV, surfing the Internet, responding to blogs, whatever.

So don't get the impression that S.F is simply some big mess of gay debauchery (although there certainly is plenty of that, too.)

I really encourage you to e-mail Aaaron of Affirmation. Why wouldnt't you wan to connect with fellow gay Mormons and gay ex-Mormons? It's just seems like such a natural thing for you to follow up on. Please, go for it.

2:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's weird. Your thoughts as a gay Mormon are a lot like mine were as a gay Jehovah's Witness. In fact they are a lot like the thoughts, feelings and experiences of other gay JWs I know that eventually parted company with the faith of their families. You had an epiphany in Paris, mine was in Rome. Anyhoo... good luck on your journey.

6:25 AM  

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