Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Dating girls was so much easier ...

Tonight I went out with a guy. I met another Mormon gay guy from, and we agreed to have dinner. Yeah, I sometimes amaze myself too. Though certain moments during the evening were a little awkward for me, the night was quite pleasant. I am not physically attracted to him – nor am I attracted to his personality. Okay, I guess I'm not attracted to him period, but he's a very nice person and I could easily be his friend. Plus, he has other friends and he's willing to share. Yay!! I'm dying for social interaction with the unwed. Bless my brother's and sis-in-law's hearts, but I need to hang out with people closer to my age.

I must say, I really hate my personality when I hang out with people who know I'm gay. For some stupid reason, I cannot be myself. I come across as a big dork – which I'm not, I swear – and it drives me nuts. It's really a vicious cycle because I start thinking, "Okay, you're being unnatural. Stop being unnatural." But the more I think about it, the less natural I act. I wish I could just relax. That's why people drink alcohol! Someone pass me the booze.

Fortunately, the kid I went to dinner with was very talkative, so I didn't have to say much. I just nodded and pumped out the animated facial expressions all night long. It really was a stunning performance.

So, do I technically call this my first date with a guy? Oh wow. I’m cringing right now. Calling it a "date" really sounds weird. Yeah, there are definitely parts of gay dating that will take a while to get used to – like calling it gay dating. Who knows … I may never get used to it. I'm not too worried about that yet. I honestly just want friends right now anyway.

Oh yeah, the really cool part is that this guy heads a group of homosexual Mormons in the area, so he's a great resource for meeting other gay Mormons. I'm sure we'll hang out again.

But fear not, I am not limiting myself to only gay Mormons. I actually made a friend with another guy off myspace who is not Mormon, and we'll probably go out sometime. This is so weird for me, but kind of funny. I had to bite my lip a few times tonight because I just wanted to start laughing at the whole situation of me going out with other gay guys. Ha! It's pretty dang funny.


Blogger Dave Walter said...

Wow, that's great!!! I"m really happy for you.


1:59 AM  
Blogger Elbow said...

Congrats! That is amazing. I am not surprised but yet I am. It's good to know that you are feeling so good about it. The most important thing is that you are finding friends. You have a really great chance to meet people who can help you express yourself the way that might be what you need. I can't wait to hear about your other experiences. "All good things ahead."

5:57 AM  
Blogger Silus Grok said...

Just remember that dating guys shouldn't be much different than dating girls... and finding someone that will support your participation in the Church means that you should probably stick to dating good mormon guys (who happen to be gay).

Just my two cents.

8:19 AM  
Blogger Jesse said...

You've probably already thought this and I'm probably wasting my time typing this. Anyway, I think its important you make friends first before you possibly have a boyfriend.

I've been in the situation where I had a boyfriend before friends. His friends became my friends and I thought everything was great. Needless to say, I lost the friends when we broke up. Don't make the same mistake (especially in a new city!).

3:29 PM  
Blogger David said...

Call it whatever you want, whatever you feel most comfortable with.

I think the more comfortable you get with yourself the more of your true personality will come across. Since I've stopped worrying about being gay and keeping it a secret I've been able to really develop and enjoy parts of myself completely unrelated to to being gay.

3:43 PM  
Blogger onDfence said...

stupid question: how do you make friendsd off myspace? especially mormon ones?

3:17 AM  

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