I'm not used to spending this much time with my computer -- and I'm a recovering porn addict.

You're probably surprised that I'm blogging so often. Don't be. I don't have friends or a social life, so the computer and I have really gotten to know each other well – if you know what I mean. (Isn't weird how ANY sentence can turn dirty if you attach "if you know what I mean" to the end of it?)

I have decided (and I had come to this conclusion before reading all the comments about it) that I shall use myspace for friend finding only. That's my main objective at this time, so why complicate my life even more. Plus, I'm holding out for my dream job, and I want God to be on my side during the interview process. God is shaking his head at me right now. I can feel it.

In any case, Jesse is right that jumping into a relationship right off the bat may be problematic. Speaking of boyfriends, NO, I don't plan to "try things out" by having promiscuous sex. Hello! I've always said that I wanted to try things out by just seeing what it's like to have positive homosexual relationships. I think sex is the last thing I need right now. Why bother with it? That's a rhetorical question. :)

My non-Mormon friend (whom I will call Pete because non-Mormon sounds so discriminatory) called me today. He was great! He said right up front that he's dating someone, and he's just looking for friends. I couldn't have been more relieved. You never know what people are expecting when they contact you online. Anyhow, he seemed like a nice guy, and we're going to see if we can hang out this weekend. We'll see if it happens.

Oh Dave. I love you. Your comments always put a smile on my face. You could easily be a spokesman for a gay pride organization. Perhaps you are! I really do appreciate your opinions on my blog. I always know where to turn if I'm looking for the official gay perspective. Ha! ;)

I don't think I mentioned this, but the other night I had a little blow up with the first brother I told (we'll call him Jeffrey). As I mentioned before, he called the brother I'm living with (we'll call him Tim) and told him I was gay before I had a chance to. This happened after he said he wouldn't tell anyone. Anyhow, I wanted him to know that I was hurt by what he did, but I wanted to do it in a light manner. So much for planning. Things got rough really quickly. Here's the rundown on our convo:

"Hey Jeffrey, I heard you outed me to Tim?" I said this laughing, because it is a little funny. Unfortunately, Jeffrey was serious about the whole situation.

"Gay Mormon, I had to. He needed to know that you have a porn problem."

"Jeffrey, why didn't you just let me tell him?" I asked. "I had planned on telling him anyway. Plus, he already had an idea that I have porn problems. I just felt a little hurt when I heard you went behind my back to tell him when I had asked you not to."

Jeffrey: "Well, I didn't know that he knew about your porn situation. I just wanted to give him a heads up."

Gay Mormon: "Well, please let me deal with my own problems. You haven't outed me to any other siblings, have you?"

"No! And is that what you're calling it? Being 'outed'?" he asks in a disgusted tone.

"I was trying to soften the situation. Would you rather I say it how it is: 'Jeffrey, why are you betraying me?'"

"Let's talk about betrayal," Jeffrey says. "Do you know how I felt when I found out you used my computer to look at porn over the holidays? I trusted you in my house, and you went and betrayed me by looking at porn at all hours of the night."

He was right here, so I said: "Jeffrey, you know I am sorry about that. I apologized. I'll apologize again. It was absolutely inappropriate, and I'm honestly very, very sorry about what I did. It definitely was a form of betrayal, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to you. However, I told you the biggest f-ing secret of my life, and you f-ing went and told Tim!!! I know I have big f-ing problems, but I simply ask that you let me deal with them!! They aren't your problems!"

At this point, Jeffrey backed down. He apologized sincerely for his mistake, and we both cooled down and ended the converation.

I've forgiven him, but I've also learned a valuable lesson: I can't talk to him about my sexuality. I love him, but he and I will approach my sexuality the same way my father and I do – we just won't talk about it.

By the way, that blow up was the first time I've ever used the F word in a conversation. I even said it two or three times! I apologize to all the parents whose children are reading this.