Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Random Thought

I fell asleep at 6 p.m. tonight and slept for three hours. I’m screwed now because I am not tired any more. Oh well.

I had a wonderful president’s day weekend. I spent it with good friends. I hate coming back to school after long weekends – mainly because I’m so behind in every class now.

Here’s a random thought … do you ever wonder how accurately you judge people? Lately, I’ve been wondering how accurate my gaydar is. I always try to judge whether a guy is gay or straight, and I wonder how often I am right. For example, I really think one of my good friends is gay. Though he always says that homosexuals repulse him and that he likes certain girls, I really, really think he is gay. There’s too much about him that makes him seem gay. I have certain criteria that I judge people against – and my criteria are not just the stereotypical gay characteristics. My buddy fits every one of them.

I have actually always given him the benefit of the doubt, but then yesterday he said something that clenched it. He said his biggest fear was that he might do something to get kicked out of the church and hurt his family! I realize that statement could be interpreted in many different ways, but I really think he was referring to acting on his homosexual desires. I say that only because I totally share that same fear! Plus, I just don’t see heterosexual men saying that. I really have a strong argument to support my claim; however, it’s not worth explaining because I doubt anyone cares whether my friend is gay or not. I don’t know why I’m trying to convince you all that he is gay. Who cares?

I guess I’m always judging guys because I hope to find other gay guys whom I can relate to.

By the way, I am so into porn. I really live a double life. No body knows I look at porn OFTEN or that I am gay. I’m sure some might suspect I’m gay, but they really don’t know. It’s really hard sometimes because some of my friends think I am so perfect. I hate it when they think that. If they only knew... What can you do?

Anyhow…I’ve got to run.


Blogger Patmos said...

I sit here having read your latest article, I am sorry, but i put your blog under my favorites and check it often to see if you have added anything else. So, I read your article today and my heart goes out to you, I know EXACTLY where you are in life, I am older now, yet life is still a great challenge. Just know this, that you are not a lone in this dark night, in this wrestling, in this chamber of doom.

12:01 PM  

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