Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Drawing A Blank

As I sat down to write, I realized something unusual: I really don’t have much to write! At first I thought something might be wrong with me, but then I realized that I don’t have much to write about because I haven’t been thinking about my homosexuality lately. I’ve been so busy with work, friends, and play. I work my brains out, and I love it. Also, I don’t have Internet access, so I’ve been using filtered, public computers – not the most conducive to porn, emailing or blogging. It’s been absolutely FANTASTIC!! Life is definitely very good right now.

Yes, I do still struggle, but don’t we all? I sometimes start feeling lonely and sorry for myself, but then I remember that EVERYONE feels lonely sometimes. Everyone struggles. I’m not so special – even though my ego tells me otherwise. Ha! I was sitting behind a handicapped person in church the other day, and I couldn’t help but think that the likelihood of that person getting married is slim to none. Though he is perfectly sound minded, his body is crippled and it’s unlikely he will ever marry … all because of circumstances which are beyond his control. He and I have a lot in common.

I actually have things much better than he. If I wanted to date a guy, I could. Even though he probably wants to date a girl, it’s just unlikely that it will ever happen.

Anyhow, I don’t mean to imply that I’m doomed to a life of loneliness, but I am saying I will survive if I don’t ever fall in love and spend my life with someone. Not the ideal way to live life, but definitely a good way to live life. :)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I skim a lot of blogs, and
so far yours is in the Top 3
of my list of favorites. I'm
going to dive in and try my
hand at it, so wish me luck.

It'll be in a totally different
area than yours (mine is
about keyword ranking)
I know, it sounds strange, but it's
like anything, once you learn more
about it, it's pretty cool.

If you don't mind, I'd really appreciate
being able to come back and get a
few tips and suggestions from you,
if that's alright, alright?

Tiffany Burrell
Keyword Queen!
ps. I confess, that's not my real picture! :-)

4:44 PM  
Blogger Peculiar Mormon said...

I know how you feel...sitting there thinking about being lonely. Heck, I'm lonely right NOW...There's been a guy who's been running through my thoughts lately...only problem is he's gay, so that means he'd be poison.

I was with a good friend of mine last night. She's had a pretty rough past with horrible molestation when she was a child, and she and I just sit and talk about our problems. Not that we can really do anything to help eachother out, but just be an ear to hear when the other needs one. Anyway, I was talking to her about his 'boy of mine,' and how I called him poison.
"I understand what you mean...it might be poison, but sometimes poison tastes sooo good."

Bah...Battling the loneliness. It's good to know that I'm not alone!

1:23 AM  
Blogger D-Train said...


Thanks for sharing so many of your thoughts. I claim no pretense to advice, but admire your willingness to speak, even in such an anonymous forum. The temptation to bury either your relationship with the Church or your sexuality must be nearly overwhelming.

I just came across your blog tonight and appreciate the thoughts. You should know that there are many Mormons that don't judge circumstances that they cannot understand, even though it doesn't seem like it at times.

I feel really bad calling you "Gay Mormon". It's a double essentialization, but I understand your desire to remain as anonymous as possible. I'll be back, but I just wanted to say hello.

10:30 PM  

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