Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Resurgent Feelings

Quick Update: I am doing well. I recently moved to New York City, which has been really fun so far. I am back in school, which has been busy. I'm also at the beginning of a relationship. Lots of "new" for me.

Last week, a good Mormon friend of mine came to visit. We had a lovely time together, but I was FURIOUS during one portion of the visit. Let me preface by saying she has always been extremely sympathetic and sweet regarding me and the gays. In fact, I think she almost enjoys that her good friend is gay. It's very fun.

That said, she's still very much a good Mormon girl. Anyhow, she was talking about a conversation she had with a co-worker, and she mentioned that gay supporters graffitied the Salt Lake temple after prop 8. I chuckled when she said that, and she was shocked that I would laugh. I was simply laughing because graffiti is a dumb way to respond to an election. Also, I was laughing because she was treating the graffiti as some heinous crime. Granted, it's not cool, but seriously a minor offense if you ask me.

After this little convo, I started to boil inside. All the feelings from prop 8 came rushing back, which was surprising because I thought I had moved on. I found myself enraged that my friend would consider graffiti such a horrible offense, yet she doesn't view the lying and deceit that Mormons engaged in in order to pass prop 8. I personally would prefer someone graffiti an LGBT center rather than lie and deceive in order to take away LGBT rights.

The irony of the situation is that we were on our way to church at the time. (No, I don't go to church anymore, and she offered to go by herself, but I actually wanted to see if there were any cute boys in the ward. There were a couple.) It was the first Mormon church service I had attended in more than a year. It reminded me that church is extremely boring and that I do love the hymns. That is absolutely my favorite part of church -- congregational singing. I miss that. Besides that, I don't miss a thing. Didn't miss the redundant and boring talks, the cheesy bishopric, the meat marketness of the singles wards, or the homogeneous crowd (I think there was one black guy there ... I suppose he represents the church's diversity.)

Anyhow, that's all I've got for tonight. Classes start far too early tomorrow, so I'm off. Hope the few remaining readers are well.


Blogger playasinmar said...

We are.

6:44 AM  
Blogger El Genio said...

The Salt Lake Temple was never a victim of graffiti in the aftermath of prop 8. A few chapels in California were... but the Salt Lake Temple? The idea that something like that could even happen is laughable. To pull such a stunt off without security intervening would require something on the likes of an Ocean's 11 type scheme. Just absurd.

10:57 AM  
Anonymous Big Gay Sam said...

I used to live in SLC and I'm a regular on tribtalk the salt lake tribune's forum. I concur with El Genio. The temple was never tagged by grafitti.

I'm a fellow gay Mormon. Howdy brother. :P

8:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I stumbled across your blog and I starting reading. I apparently read old posts and was commenting on them as if they were very recent posts. I then saw dates and realized, I was 5 years off- or more.
Anyway, I haven't had a chance to read thru all of your posts, but I have to say that I was very impressed in the beginning with your testimony and struggles, as I too, have faced the the same struggles. I was very disheartened to read that you have left the church and have decided to embrace the gay lifestyle in full. I almost was in tears. I know that everyone has a different path in life, but those first set of posts were amazing and I really wish that you had been able to work thru things that would have helped you stay going to church and not living "the lifestyle".
I know you have said you are happy now, and I truly hope you are.
I wish all the best for you and I hope that your relationship with your family can only improve.
Good luck!
One last comment I will make is that I think that you don't have to completely change everything about you just because you are gay. You don't have to drink, be promiscuous (not that I know if you are or not). You can still have the same values, read the scriptures, pray, etc and still be gay. I sometimes think that it is all of the other stuff that drags people down.
I hope that wasn't too preachy or offensive.


11:44 PM  
Blogger Amerah said...

I just found this blog and it made me laugh. Nice.

10:02 PM  
Anonymous Gay Mormon said...

Hey there. I am sad that this blog hasn't been updated in a while. You had some great posts.

I understand your frustration with your friend and the whole Prop. 8/Graffiti thing. Hopefully the visit went well despite all that.

Hope to read more soon! :)

8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I recently had a falling out with some 'friends' due to Boyd Packer's speech. I consider my friend's opinions to be their own and do not jump to issues when they state them because they are their personal opinions.

I recently found a girl, myself being a girl and a member of the LDS church, whom I dearly love. My 'friend' has been bugging me to tell her all about the 'sexual' exploits I and my partner take part in. Yet at the same time, this same friend, tells me that it is against the Doctrine to have relations outside of marriage and since I can never marry my girl, I should be chaste. It is okay to be 'myself' as long as I don't do anything sinful. This same friend also told me that people of a homosexual nature should not be able to adopt because that is just wrong.

Needless to say, I just let her have her opinions and speak her mind. That is what friends should do. So after Packer's speech I made a comment that I thought he was small minded. Of course he should have his opinion, but I should also be able to speak mine to my friends.

That same friend who has been asking me about relations she shouldn't be asking about and spouting off her opinion told me that my opinion was uncalled for, rude and inappropriate.

I understand what you are going through with your friend and it's hard when you let your friends speak their opinion, but you are not allowed to speak yours.

12:04 AM  
Blogger Syra said...

Are you still blogging here? I love your blog and am curious how things are going for you.

10:46 PM  
Anonymous Tyler said...

Hey, I just want to let you know that I hear ya. It's rough and not fair. I live in a small town in southern Utah so I get a lot of that crap from them, and I've kind of abandoned my relationship with my family. During events when I drove across state to see them my father would always referr to me as "queer". Hey queer can you pass the potatos. He even decided to tape a sign to my chair at the table that said queer seating. It has taken time to realize that I have worth. I don't like seeing your pain, but it helps to know someone has gone through similar things. Thanks

11:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To anonymous up above... President Packer is not small minded, nor was it his opinion. He is a man of God and an apostle of Christ. He knows the truth and what he spoke was truth not opinion. And regardless of what people think, it does not take away from the fact that he is a man of God, and speaks to God, and God speaks to him. He spoke the truth. Not opinion

7:16 PM  
Blogger Rylan said...

Hey, I've been reading your posts and just wanted to say how much I've enjoyed your blog. Have learned quite a bit and really hope everything is going ok for you now.

7:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am in the same boat. I have these feelings about wanting to be with a guy and at times that is all I think about. And whenever I have done something of this nature, I feel wrong, dirty, and completely unnatural this whole thing is. Yes I like men. But I know Gods stance on it and how He disapproves of it. I have kept this all a secret but when you do have a testimony of the gospel and how true it is then you know what you are supposed to do. These times Ive met with men the Holy Ghost has warned me to not do what I did. But I completely ignored it. And I suffered the consequences. I am still active in the church, read my scriptures, pray, and attend the Temple. And the choice lies with me if I want to do those things or give it up and go with the gay lifestyle. People have the right to live how they want. But I must say I will never go fully gay because I love the church and the blessings that come with being a member.

11:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Could you please email me? I am LDS and have some questions I'd like to ask in more of a private setting. I just read your entire blog in 3 hours and felt compelled to try and write you.

You can reach me at the email below.

6:54 AM  
Blogger Chasing Joy said...

my 1st time stopping by. Glad you had a nice time with your friend despite the disagreement.

6:42 PM  

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