Sunday, September 25, 2005

Out To One

I came out to a friend this Thursday. I hadn’t even planned on coming out to her, but it just happened. First, you have to know that she and I go way back. We became best friends during our freshman year of college (okay, so we only go back six years – seems like a long time to me). It’s kind of funny because she was the HOT girl in the ward, and everyone wanted to date her, but I just wanted to be her BF. Ha! But I didn’t want to be her best friend just because she is beautiful. In fact, the most amazing thing about her is she’s more beautiful on the inside than she is on the outside. (I’m not just saying that because she is reading this – ha!) We really had great times during our freshman year.

Anyhow, we’ve remained close friends since 1999, but I’ve never told her I’m gay. To be honest, I had a feeling that she knew about my sexuality. First, she is a therapist, and she works with a lot of gay men. Second, she’s married – to an amazing guy – and has had a child, yet we still call each other to say hello. Obviously, she can have heterosexual friends as a married person, but I don’t have any other married female friends who stay in touch with me. Third, she never asks me about my relationships with girls – a very kind gesture, indeed.

The other night we were talking, and she told me how she and her husband have decided to distance themselves from the church – i.e., stop going. She then shared some of their reasons for deciding to stop going to church. Because she had just shared a very personal detail from her life, it just felt natural for me to tell her about my situation. I said, “Can I drop a bombshell on you? I’m gay.” She said, in a very nonchalant sort of way, “I know.” It was actually pretty funny/refreshing.

She is the first close friend I’ve told about my sexuality. Though I was nervous when I first told her, I have felt completely at ease talking to her about it. She understands completely, and she isn’t bothered by it at all. In fact, I just learned tonight that she and her husband had talked about how I was probably gay. Ha! I guess I don’t keep secrets too well – that, or she knows me way too well.

If all my friends reacted like this friend of mine did, I’d come out in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, not all friends are like my good friend from freshman year. She has been trained to deal with sensitive, personal information. She deals with this type of information daily. If I had suspected she might treat me differently because I’m gay, I wouldn’t have told her. I’m so glad she’s a true friend.

The best part is that she just wants me to be happy. I told her I haven’t made a decision regarding my future – whether to live as a good Mormon or live as a homosexual. Though she personally doesn’t agree with the church’s stance toward homosexuality, she doesn’t care which path I choose – so long as I’m happy. I love her to death. If only everyone was like my good friend. :)


Anonymous Anonymous said...


Wow! I am soooooooooo glad for you! Sometimes the truth does set you free.

Lots of love


10:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Glad to hear it. Part of the struggle with our sexual identities involves the fear that the people who matter the most will not love us if they know about who we really are. By revealing ourselves to others, we risk that rejection.

But taking that risk is sometimes the only way to reap the benefits of connecting with others on a deeper level. Perhaps on the whole, the strengthening (and gaining) of valuable friendships with those who truly know us is worth the weakening (or loss) of many superficial friendships with people who only liked us when they assumed that we were someone else.

Best of luck on the rest of your journey.

10:06 AM  
Anonymous Scott said...


I am happy for both of you!! Friends who can't accept you after coming out to them really are not friends... They are "conditional" aquintances based on whether you conform to the cookie cutter image of themselves. I am also happy for your friend because she sees the church for what it is and is being true to herself as she sees the truth.

Good luck to both of you as you both begin a new life!!

2:01 PM  
Anonymous C.D. said...

Dear GM--I'm just so happy that (a) you've come out to a friend, and (b) that she took it so well. Yay! And I'm not surprised that she already had a hunch you were gay. That ftyen turns out to be the case(althoough those wh do not want to see reality may deny you're gay even fter you've told them, and told them, and told them; there's always some people like that.) Any true friend is going to be supportive of you, whatever choice you make. But the Mormon Church's position regarding homosexulity is so wrong it's ridiculous; it hurts not just the many good people raised in the church who discver they happen to be gay, but many straight menmbers of the church who develop anti-gay bigotry because of the church. good lick with everythingt! Having more friendswho know youi and accept you for who you are can only help.--C.D.

3:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for a while now, but this will be my first comment.

I'm a guy in a similar situtation (23, Mormon, RM, and gay) and I've made the decision to deal with my sexuality within the church. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but I feel it was the right one.

The scriptures say that God will not withhold a blessing if we live the commandment upon which the blessing is predicated.

Women in the church are often told that if the don't have the situation to marry here on earth, that a celestial marriage will be possible for them later. I believe the same situation applies for guys like us. We can't change our hearts. God can, but the liklihood that he will here on this earth is slim. As long as we following the commandments here, we will be able to have the blessing we want, but we'll have to wait for them. It takes a lot of trust in God to do that, but that is the definition of faith.


4:24 PM  
Blogger D-Train said...

Good to hear, man. May God be with you and your wonderful friend. People like that make life worth the bother.

6:09 PM  

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