Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Gayest Weekend Ever

Last weekend was easily the gayest weekend of my life! Holy crap! I had a great time.

I spent the weekend visiting a good friend from college. She knows I'm gay, and so naturally she planned the amazing gay weekend.

Here's a quick rundown of our gay activities (I've omitted the non-homo things):

Thursday: Arrived at their house in the evening. Discussed being gay and Mormon with my friend and her husband until 3 a.m. (I'm friends with the husband, too, but for clarity, I will refer to him as my friend's husband.)

Friday: Worked out, went to the mall. Invited two gay guys over and watched Latter Days. Then went to Charlie's (a gay cowboy bar with country dancing).

Saturday: Went to my friend's niece's birthday party. Ate out with the same two gay guys afterward. Saw Brokeback Mountain.

Sunday: Went out with three gay guys to dinner. Went to BS (a gay bar) for karaoke.

All in all, the weekend was great. I had a lot of fun hanging out with the two gay guys and my married friends. The gay guys were both extremely nice and fun to be around. I can't say that I felt completely like myself around them, but I guess I can't expect to feel completely comfortable and normal at this point. I just hate how my funniness seems to vanish in the presence of homosexuals. Weird.

(For the curious at heart, no I didn't hook up with any gay guys.)

Charlie's was likely the best part of the weekend! I left with the biggest ego ever! I was so flattered by all the looks from guys. I realize that they weren't looking at me just because I'm hot (even though I'd like to think that), but more likely because I am a man in a gay bar. They would probably check out any mammal with testicles. I know I check out a lot of guys I'm not interested in. :)

I was flattered though when the hottest guy in the room (in my opinion) and I played a little staring game. Very fun. Unfortunately, I chickened out and stopped looking in his direction. It was just too real for me. I mean, that guy could have come over and spoken with me at any point. I couldn't have let that happen. Ha!

Movie reviews: Latter Days is cheesy. Brokeback Mountain was extremely well done and moving. I personally didn't get into Latter Days at all. The acting, the writing, everything was just too lame. I understand that it probably means a lot to some gay Mormons, but all it meant to me was nap time. Brokeback Mountain, on the other hand, was great! I loved it. I thought it was easily one of the saddest movies of my life, but I loved how it portrayed the difficulties of being homosexual. I hope it wins the Oscar. By the way, I didn't think I was going to like it.

The most awkward part of the whole weekend was the birthday party for me. My friend's niece was celebrating her 3rd year of life, and my friend had told her in-laws beforehand that I am gay (because they were wondering why some random male college friend was coming to visit her). That was the first time that I had been in a room of people (many of whom were Mormon) who knew about my sexuality – people whom I hadn't told myself. They were extremely nice, and I had no reason to feel uncomfortable. Nonetheless, I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable around straight people who know about my sexuality. I guess I should just start getting used to it. It'll probably happen more often as time passes.

In any case, the weekend was a blast. I had a great time visiting with good friends. I love them both to death, and I hope they know that! Love you both!

When I got home from my trip, my sister-in-law confronted me on some of the difficult thoughts she'd been having over the past few days. She said she's certain I will distance myself from the family if I decide to live as a gay person (have boyfriends, etc.). She's probably right because both my siblings have told me that they don't want any gay boyfriends of mine coming to family functions with me. I understand that, and I plan to respect their wishes. As such, I probably wouldn't spend as much time with family. I don't know.

My sister-in-law doesn't want me to marry a woman (because of the inherent problems associated with gay/straight relationships) or be with a man (because of the religious conflicts), so she believes a life of celibacy would be the best alternative for me. She said, "You can do so much good in this world without sex." Hmm. I just don't know if I have that sort of will power. It's good to know her perspective though. I think my other brother and his wife would like to see me marry a woman.

Lastly, I apologize to anyone who was offended by the "Perspective One" link on the right-hand side of the screen. I know that article's perspective is very painful for many people. Nonetheless, it certainly is a perspective, and I don't think it's healthy to ignore it. In fact, I think it raises many relevant questions – e.g., Why should sexuality trump religious beliefs? You're all welcome to express your concerns with Dr. Byrd's viewpoints, but I don't think any of us should fear ideas. We must simply confront them if we disagree with them. I don't agree with all of the stuff that was written, but I do agree with some of it. The link is relevant for all gay Mormons, in my opinion. It also shows how many Mormons approach the issue. If nothing else, it gives people an insight into the issues facing gay Mormons.

Okay, hit me with the comments. I can feel them coming. :)

18 Comments:

Blogger Silus Grok said...

I'm glad you had fun!

Brokeback is an amazing movie.

On the celibacy thing: while I completely understand the daunting nature of the choice, I can tell you from personal experience that it's not that hard... I live my life — like everyone — in small increments, so I seldom get too down on myself.

Of course, I date.

Celibate is not the same as lonely.

7:04 AM  
Anonymous MC said...

eventually, you will not think about whether the people you are with know you're gay or not... I've been out for 16 years now, and it never crosses my mind. I honestly don't care who knows and who doesn't. I'm happy that you had a good time, and hope that you continue to find friends in your new area.

as for the celibate thing... it is obviously up to you to make that decision, but from experience, there is nothing better than sharing something so intimate with someone you love...

10:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No offense, but that's rather selfish of your siblings to alienate you from the family should you choose to make decisions they don't like. If they truly believe the teachings of the Church that the family is so fundamental and important, then they're not going to kick you to the curb because you choose to dedicate your emotions to another man. I mean, my sister and I really don't care for my brother's wife, but that's a choice he made, and we'd rather have him with her than not have him at all.

When I came out to my mom, that was one of the first things I established with her. My boyfriend/partner/husband would be welcome to family functions. If he wasn't, then I wouldn't attend. When my brother decided to pull the Choose Between Him and Me bit, my mom quickly shut that down. Dividing the family is unacceptable.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GM,

I agree - I thought Brokeback Mountain was excellent. (Although, I admit that I kinda liked Latter Days as well).

I'm happy you had such a great weekend! I think mc is correct in that you will eventually become more comfortable around straight people who know that you're gay.

1:06 PM  
Blogger DCTwistedLife said...

so she believes a life of celibacy would be the best alternative for me. She said, "You can do so much good in this world without sex." Hmm.

Thats great and lovely that she thinks that 'there is so much you can do without sex'. But at the same time, tell that to her. She's straight and obviously gets to have sex whenver she wants, no question asked (sorry if I grossed you out with a mental image). She is trying to make sugar coat a reality of being Mormon and Gay: if you want to stick around the Church, you're gonna be alone. Imagine all the good you can do with sex... what difference does it make to her...reality is that its not her business and she should love you for you, not who you may or may not sleep with?

I think also with time, lots of time perhaps, your families' views of Homosexuality will change. It will have to, because it will trouble them just as much as it troubles you sometimes. I think they'll become much more accepting, and maybe one day if you have a BF you will be able to bring him around. You never know... these things take time.

I'm glad you had a great weekend! BTW, I really liked Latter Days, I thought some of it was funny, though a bit over the top at times...(and the actors were both really cute ;) I have yet to see BBM, I've heard nothing but good things about it though. Over time you'll become more comfortable hanging around gay guys. It can be weird, and I've never even been to a gay bar. But I know if I / you let go of the inhibitions (just a little) I / you can have lots of fun. Obviously these things take some getting used to.

Take care!

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

news flash. there is no such thing as a Gay Mormon. take it. u may choose to be gay, and you may choose to say you're mormon. but in the end. there is no such thing.

5:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sure someone can be both "gay" and "mormon." It depends on how one define's each of those terms. A gay person who never acts on his desires can be a fully practicing, temple worthy member of the church. Or, a gay person who does participate in gay physical relationships can still consider himself a mormon in the cultural sense.

6:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mormonism is not a culture. It is a religion. A religion with specific guide-lines and rules. You cannot be gay and attend the temple. One is not considered gay by birth alone. It is a choice. A very conscience choice. You are not born gay. Leviticus 20:13. God does not make sinners. I'm just saying. not to build up attitude or anything. If you are gay...and your priesthood knows about it... you are excommunicated or go through a series of a disciplinary council. If your leaders do not know about it, and you continue, you hurt yourself. for example, if you partake of the sacrament... you drink damnation to your soul. again... just saying from scriptural context.


There is no such thing as a Gay Mormon. It goes against all the virtuous, lovely, of good report or praisworthy standards Mormons hold so dear to their hearts.

7:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, one does not "choose" his or her attractions. To be "gay" can mean that one has a "same-sex attraction." A gay person who does not act on his or her attractions can be temple worthy.

And who are you to define "mormon" to mean solely a "religion"? The LDS church does not even sanction the term "mormon" as an official term. So a gay person living an active gay lifestyle has just as much of a right to label himself a "mormon" based on his family and cultural background, as does a fully practicing member of the LDS church.

7:59 PM  
Blogger Dave Walter said...

Hey, GM,

A gay cowboy bar with country dancing! Woo hoo, you go girl! Oops, sorry. I meant to say, "Dude. That's cool."

But come over here and sit down; we need to have the gay equivalent of the father-son talk about the facts of life.

Fact #1: At least some of the guys in bars are looking at you just because you're hot.

Fact #2: Some of those guys will hit on you and try to get in your pants, with no intention of getting to know you better or becoming your friend.

Fact #3: One or more of those guys is going to be really hot and you may find yourself lusting to have sex with him like, that very night. Engage the brain for a minute before you decide to do so.

Fact #4: If you decide to have sex with another guy, there is no standard way that gay sex takes place. You should never give in to pressure to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing.

Fact #5: If you have sex with someone, and do so in an unsafe manner, I will hunt you down and kick your butt.

I don't know whether it was really necessary to share all that with you, but I figured it couldn't hurt. Just file it in the back of your mind and keep goin' out there and enjoying yourself!

Dave

8:10 PM  
Blogger Gay Mormon said...

All these posts about being gay and Mormon had me laughing. The zealot Mormon's comments make me think someone is just joking around on my blog space. However, just in case that person is serious and truly believes that being both gay and Mormon is impossible, I'd like to clarify.

Gay: "Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex." Source: Dictionary.com

Behold, I am gay. That is, I am attracted to men. I certainly don't understand why I am this way, but it was not a choice (that's a fact). The Leviticus citation says nothing about the origins of homosexuality. It simply outlines the punishment for a man who "lieth with mankind." Also, just for fun, try reading the rest of that same chapter. It's chalk full of ambiguity and irrelevant doctrine (except for that very important part about separating the clean beasts from the unclean beasts). Honestly, is that your strongest religious argument against homosexuality? :) Look a little deeper, and certainly you will find more relevant anti-gay religious stuff.

Mormon: "A member of the Mormon Church. Also called [The Church of Jesus Christ of] Latter-day Saint[s]." Source: Dictionary.com

And there you have it, I'm also a Mormon. Born, raised, and baptized as such. Looks like being gay and Mormon is possible. Go figure.

Final notes ...

1) In addition to being a religion, Mormonism definitely defines a certain culture. I doubt many Mormons would deny that.
2) I have told several bishops about my gayness. I have never been excommunicated. In fact, all of them have encouraged me to attend the temple. Believe it or not, I am even endowed (which means something very different to people outside the faith ... but it's true on both counts). In any case, many gay Mormons attend the temple worthily and do not "drink damnation to their souls" each Sunday.
3) Don't be so quick to judge. A straight Mormon will simply never understand the issue completely. Such is life.

I'm happy to educate Mormons on the status of homosexuals in the religion. Feel free to email or post questions any time. This has been fun. I'm still thinking the guy was just trying to rile some feathers. Nonetheless, I'm glad I had the chance to teach.

1:39 AM  
Anonymous Charles B. said...

Struggling,

How you live your life is up to you! You have to make the decision to marry a woman, not ever have sex, or well you know the other choice.

Charles

4:49 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

I liked Latter Days much more than I did Brokeback Mountain, probably because I identified more with the former. But I am happy that Brokeback Mountain is getting so much praise.

10:08 AM  
Blogger Dave said...

Oh and well put about the being gay and being Mormon debate.

10:12 AM  
Anonymous EP said...

Ah, so much fun to read these blogs and postings! I stumbled on your blog while doing research on some background information from the church's perspective of it all (which I found some good stuff). I am openly gay where I live (NYC) but my family does not "officially" know yet and they are all very conservative and active in the church. I am telling them in a few months during a visit, thus the research.

Granted, it is much easier to be who I am (a working professional who happens to be gay) where I live as opposed to habitating in a conservative 'culture,' as was reasonably stated in the comments. However, the inner-struggle is the same everywhere, I believe.
I congratulate you on your gay weekend, and exhort you (nice scriptural word, right?!) to experience a gay weekend once in the near future in a more populous/gay-friendly city. I can almost assure you that you will enjoy it even more. I do have to admit a little confusion with your claimed conservativism, and while I refuse to judge you or attempt to clarify what I think you mean by that, it seems you are leaning more to the left than you realize simply through the belief that you are gay and believe you should be offered the same rights as heteros, but then again, that could easily be outweighed by other views you have.

Now, back to your rainbow weekend. I applaud both you and your friend. Your friend for planning the agenda of same-sex splendor and you for going with it. I agree with your movie reviews; being very impressed with Ang Lee's BBM direction of the Romeo-Romeo story. It didn't hit me until the next morning then crushed me like a ton of bricks. Latter-Days was much less brilliant. Cute but talentless actors bored me and gave a dark and seemingly dishonest depiction (thus unfair) of the LDS abandonment. That movie sucked.
Try Angels in America - a little uncomfortable at times, but well done (although maybe not as fair either, but all based on perception).

Further, celibacy does not work, in my humble opinion, unless you honestly do not desire companionship! If you long for a relationship, you have every right to enjoy one. Any other way is dishonest and you may as well tell people you don't have sex because your mom told you not to... which is unfair, because she had/has sex. You didn't get here because of whatever's 'in the water' but you know that already. Just don't talk yourself out of a relationship where you can truly love and be loved simply because you enjoy your dad's barbequed chicken at the Labor Day reunion. They will hopefully come around. I don't know how my family will react, but I do know that I won't ever choose celibacy since I desire that emotional and physical connection with someone. I encourage you to be as close to your family as possible, making them choose otherwise if it comes down to it.
Lastly, there is plenty of research suggesting contradictory evidence to that SLTribune P1, and I'm happy to submit links to your comments if so desired. They illustrate detailed studies of genetics and homosexuality being linked. Yes, SLTrib is probably more liberal that Deseret News, but on Utah standards. Oh, and a wonderful thing is that science is non-partisan, as long as you believe in science.
In the end (pun intended), you are who you are. God created man equally. America is changing, for both better and worse (so too is Canada, now, btw). You sound intelligent and open-minded, and we need more people out there like you. Good luck in finding the right man and with life in general. And next time a cute guy that you share interest in checks you out, talk to him, there are plenty good ones out there and there's only one way to find out who they are in the crowd.

1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're leaders must be messed up. No i'm not joking. If you could only see the problems you pose for people who don't share your opinions. When they ask...aren't you the religion that is morally strong?? I can say.. Yes. Until they meet somebody like you. Yea... I know that not acting on your attractions means you can still hold a recommend...what I say to that is... bring on the second coming. When the vile and debased things of this world can enter our most holy places, and defile our most precious worships, then I know that this world can only get so much worse. Yea.. i'm not supporter of gays. I don't care what you call yourself. Just, don't debase me as you do it. I don't know who said it, and I don't care to look it up... but it has been said by a prominent leader of the church that when you bring your level of worthiness and standard down... you bring a portion of the church down with you. So why don't you open your ears and listen once in a while during your gospel doctrine class, cuz i'm pretty sure that little miss molly mormon isn't giving you a thumbs up for letting you physical attractions and choices affect those around you, who are doing everything in their power to uphold the sacred name of the church and proclaim the word.


p.s. While your ears are open, listen to the sacrament prayer that you are so willingly committing yourself to. To always remember the Savior, in all you do, in all you say, think, act.....

and in everybody you screw.

10:12 AM  
Blogger Gay Mormon said...

I just wanted to give a quick disclaimer. The dude who wrote the previous comment does not represent Mormons! In fact, I'm skeptical that this anonymous reader is even an active Mormon. It sounds like he may be trying to make my readers think that all Mormons are pricks.

Honestly, they aren't! The large, large majority are great, kind, loving, patient, understanding people. Please don't judge the religion based on anonymous's comments. And don't judge the religion based on me and my blog. I openly admit that I am not a good representation of Mormonism.

2:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

active?? try... I teach CTR 5, co-coach of church basketball, never missed a day of seminary, been to more devotionals and firesides than i can count.

I will have to apologize right now... I was too harsh. and ur right, it wasn't a good representation. But I ask 1 simple thing. Understand. Just as you ask other people to... try to put yourself in somebody else's position. You live in Utah.. probably always have... everybody knows everything about Mormons. Well... i moved from the bubble of utah. I love it there, but dude, it's a bubble. And the church is the only thing you have when you take a leap like that. I am very defensive of the church, cuz unlike you, in utah... people on a daily basis give me a ton of crap about it. People rip me up day in and day out...just because I am mormon. you have actually made me think. The reason i .. lash out... is because I have seen both sides of this.. personally. I don't mean of being in utah and leaving. I mean of the very issue I have so... callously addressed. And I have very strong opinions since then. But I apologize for being so harsh. u can tell me to screw myself...


but oh well.
p.s. i'm not a dude.

11:43 AM  

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