Sunday, January 29, 2006

Lunch Date Digested

Last Wednesday "Tall, Dark and Handsome" (TDH) and I discussed meeting up for dinner Friday night. Then late Friday afternoon, he called and backed out because his appointments in RandomCity, Calif., went longer than expected. (He was in his car on his way home from the city when he called.)

I was a little bummed because that meant I'd be spending my night on the computer (which did happen). Oh, my sad, sad life. (But remind me to tell you a funny/sad story about my Friday Internet night.)

Anyhow, I actually thought TDH was just making excuses. Like maybe something better had come up, but he just wanted to let me down easy. Anyhow, I really wouldn't have been bothered had that been the case. I understand that friends come first, and I am just an "Internet guy." (I hate that that's a reality for me right now, but it is. Yes, I meet guys online. And yes, you can make fun of me for it because I think it's weird as well. I feel like I should be sporting a creepy moustache and a wife beater – that's what "Internet guys" are like, you know. Ha!)

Because Friday night didn't work for TDH, we rescheduled for lunch on Sunday (today) at 1:30 p.m. (which I mentioned in my previous post). He said he would call me Sunday morning to confirm and to give me directions.

By 12:40 p.m. today, he still hadn't called. I was thinking, "Oh this guy is a big jerk. He says he'll call and confirm, and then he doesn't. Typical gay guy." (Yes, it's true – I even stereotyped gay guys as being flakey.) Finally, I couldn't wait any longer, so I called his cell phone. He didn't pick up. Again, I'm thinking, "Typical guy. Plans something, and then backs out. Now I understand why women hate men so much."

Five minutes after calling him, just as I was filling out my membership card to join the ex-wives club, TDH really pulled through. He called. Come to find out, somehow he had copied down my number incorrectly (or I had given it to him incorrectly). He had actually tried calling several times, but he said the number he was calling was always busy. In fact, when I called him, he didn't recognize the number – and he had saved my name and number into his phone – and that's why he screened me.

It gets better. He had even tried emailing me to confirm! I hadn't thought to check my email. Ha! (Well, actually, I was out of town this weekend, and my friend's house didn't have Internet.)

Anyhow, I quickly repented for all my negative thoughts toward him. I then met him for lunch. The date was fantastic! I had such a great time with him. TDH is even more handsome in real life. He is also funny, witty, intelligent and successful. And he's just a regular guy. No one would think he's gay just by meeting him. It was so refreshing to be with him.

This doesn't mean that I felt like myself. I didn't. But I did feel more like myself. I felt more comfortable this time than I have the previous times I've gone out with gay guys. That's progress, right? Baby steps.

Because of my awkwardness, I didn't think he was really enjoying his time with me that much. So I was extremely surprised (and probably a little too excited) when TDH asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime this week. I think I may have come across as a little desperate when I suggested we do something this Wednesday. Yeah, there's no playing hard to get in Gay Mormon's world. I'm easy as pie.

Oh well. Desperate or not, I'm going out with TDH Wednesday evening. We're doing dinner. (I know ... it's generic.) I'm looking forward to it. I almost surprised myself when I wrote that. It's true though – I am looking forward to it. Weird.

Of course, this causes all sorts of anxiety for me. I mean, I'm actually interested in a gay guy! That's rare! Moreover, this guy may be interested in me. That's a BIG maybe, of course. Nonetheless, the possibility is there. This makes me feel like I need to impress. I get too caught up in trying to impress, and then I forget to just act normal. I think this is what straight guys feel like when they go out with amazing girls. Like I've said before, dating girls was so much easier because there was never any pressure. I was just in it for fun.

I realize that this guy is just a friend at this point. There is no point in getting all excited or worked up about my future with him. I just need to calm down and take things one step at a time.

That said, I've started to worry a lot about being physical with this guy. He's so fricking HOT! I can see myself going too far, too fast if he were to kiss me. Speaking of which, could you all please respond to my poll at the top of this page. I got to talking to a friend, and he pointed out that many gay guys are very quick to get physical. This makes me a little nervous. He believes that groping on the same night of the first kiss is normal to most gay guys. What do you guys think? Do you think it's normal to do some groping on the same night as the first kiss? I have always envisioned myself just starting out with simple kissing. I don't want to get into the groping and fooling around right away. That will have to take time.

Again, I'm being ridiculous because I doubt this guy even wants to touch me. :) I'm so quick to jump to conclusions.

I must admit, though: I feel like maybe I should jump on this opportunity (literally). I really would love for my first gay kiss to be with a good-looking guy. This guy is one of the hottest guys ever! Heck, maybe I should just give it all to him ... my first kiss ... my first love ... my virginity. Just kidding. But really, I am worried that if I don't give this guy my all, it will be a long time before I have a similar opportunity with a HOT guy. :)

I'm ridiculous. I know.


Anonymous Dare said...

You’re definitely being ridiculous. :-) Look, in years to come when you look back on this time, you will be MUCH happier if you can say you gave your first kiss, your first love, your first whatever to a good guy...not just a good looking guy. This guy may be your Mr. Right, but most likely he’s just a soon-to-be friend you’ve met along the way. If you’re lucky, he might even be the friend who introduces you to the guy you’re meant to be with forever. I myself met my partner only a couple of weeks after going out on my first date with a guy. That guy turned out to be mutual friends with my partner, and when he introduced us it was pretty much love at first sight. That was 11 years ago and now we have a house and two kids together!

My point is simply: revel in the excitement of this time, because someday you’ll look back on it with fond memories, and perhaps with a little bit of pride. But don’t let it stray you from being true to yourself.

11:15 PM  
Blogger Dave Walter said...

Ah, so the real fun starts! I love it.

I just took a Lunesta, so I can't comment too much now. I've learned the hard way that one needs to turn the computer OFF while on Lunesta or Ambien. Those drugs tend to result in e-mails and blog entries that are, embarrassing for the writer to read the next day, assuming one remembers e-mailing/blogging in the first place. I include that mention here as a caution to any readers here who might use Lunesta or Ambien.

I'll check in Monday evening with a LOT to say (did you expect less?).

A quick comment: A kiss is less likely to lead to a grope than a grope is to lead to full-on sex. It would surprise me if a kiss that led to a grope did not lead to full-on sex.

For the record, I've had plenty of first kisses that led to nothng else -- until three or four days later, that is. : ) Good-night kissses, with a nice hug (and no grope) are nice.

Do you want to have sex with this guy or not? You need to know by Wednesday night, because second dates frequently lead to sex: "My roommate's not home tonight; would you like to come over to my apartment?" Translation: "Let's have sex."

The imporant things you need to do, in my (humble?) opinion are:

1) Determine whether you want to have sex with TDH or not. If so, just be honest and tell him this is all new to you, so you're counting on him to help you along.

2) If you don't want to have sex with him, at least right away, be upfront about that. Say something like: "I'm new to the gay dating scene and I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to do, so please excuse me if anything I do doesn't follow dating protocol. I'd like to get to know you slowly, and only kiss when we part tonight. Is that OK with you?

3) Re-read and memorize the five facts of life, especially fact #5, that I left you in early comments.

More to come...


2:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My first kiss lead to me sleeping over (kissing all night and I came in my shorts!) but I went all the way the following night. I'd known him for three months, I was a 30 year old virgin but was he the one true love? I had no idea but thought I would be mad to miss the experience. Turned out he was and we're completely in love 4 years later. Had it turned out to be a brief affair I'd have still done it as it'd got me moving on. Enjoy the trip!

8:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u make me sick

10:26 AM  
Blogger Dave Walter said...

OK, more comments...

"This doesn't mean that I felt like myself. I didn't. But I did feel more like myself. I felt more comfortable this time than I have the previous times I've gone out with gay guys. That's progress, right? Baby steps."

Baby steps are perfect. I'd be worried if you were taking great leaps and bounds into the gay world.

"Of course, this causes all sorts of anxiety for me.

Sorry, but it goes with the territory. Until you get more dating experience under your belt (so to speak), you'll have to suffer through the same dating jitters the rest of us experienced. : )

" I get too caught up in trying to impress, and then I forget to just act normal."

Yeah, that's human nature. The more time you spend with another guy, the more you'll both loosen up and be yourselves.

"I got to talking to a friend, and he pointed out that many gay guys are very quick to get physical."

I knew a guy -- in his 40s at the time -- who didn't do anything but get physical. He didn't want a relationship; he just loved sex. I asked him how many different guys he'd had sex with and he said, "About 5,000." It was (and still is) an incomprehensible number to me.

I knew another guy who wanted only a relationship. He wanted it so badly, that he'd practically be talking about moving in together within 10 minutes of meeting someone. He scared guys off by doing that.

TDH likely falls somewhere between those extremes, but right now you don't know where. If he gets physical on Wednesday, don't read anything into that with regard to the future.

My own observations over the years are that two guys first get their lustful desires for each other satisfied, and only then go on to the next phase, be it moving toward a relationship, becoming just friends, or losing interest in each other. But that's not the way it has to be for you.

"I am worried that if I don't give this guy my all, it will be a long time before I have a similar opportunity with a HOT guy. :)"

Oh please. Weren't you just saying a little while ago that you yourself were quite hot? Huh? Huh? You'll have 'em lining up to get dates with you. (Just don't become one of those "stand and pose" guys in the bar.)

Anyway, just go out on Wednesday and be yourself and enjoy TDH's company. As dare said, revel in the excitement of this time!


11:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Dave is right. It's hard to tell in advance whether a guy wants to get frisky or not on a date, but lots of guys like to get physical pretty quickly. Remember, we're guys!! Before tomorrow, you ought to decide how much physical contact you'd be comfortable with if you are put in such a situation.

Allow me to quote Dave: "Baby steps are perfect." There's no rush to jump into the sack with someone! Only do what you're comfortable doing. Good luck!

2:12 PM  

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