Friday, March 17, 2006

I love my Mormon bishop.

The guilt left after I slept on it. I woke up feeling normal. However, I did learn a lesson from my feelings of guilt -- I am going to slow things down. We'll see how he reacts to this. I really like the guy. He's great. He's a very genuine person. I like that about him. And of course he's good-looking, smart, successful, etc. That helps too.

However, he just graduated med school, and he will be doing his residency in St. Louis. He just foud out today that he didn't get "matched" with the program locally. That stinks. Now our relationship has an expiration date. He asked me if I would still hang out with him, despite the expiration date. I said yes. I don't know what else to say. I mean, yes, it sucks that he won't be around after June, but I am enjoying the time I am spending with him right now.

That brings me to my next dilemma ... if I know that nothing long-term is possible, then should I give him my virginity? I've decided, no. We'll see if I stick to it. I personally would like to tell all my family members before I lose my virginity. Why? Because I know they will all ask: "Have you done anything with a guy?" I want to be able to say, "Just make out."

That might be a stupid wish, but I think it would be harder for them if they found out I've been sleeping with guys. I'm positive that would be tougher for them to deal with. I really want the news to be as gentle as possible for them. But who knows when I'll get around to telling them (I want to do it in person, and I'm currently living out of state), so that wish might not come true.

By the way, I talked to my current bishop about my homosexuality last Sunday. It went extremely well. He is such a loving, caring man! I don't even hardly know the guy, but he really was wonderful. Of course, he wants me to live a celibate lifestyle, but his motives are based in love. He only wishes that for me because he truly believes that's what's best for me. Who knows ... celibacy may very well be the best option. I don't know.

Nonetheless, I was very honest and direct with him. I told him that I would have a hard time living a life alone, and that I will probably continue to date guys. He was as understanding as a straight bishop could be. He pointed out that I would have a very difficult time remaining active in the church while living a gay life. He's right. He said he is really happy I haven't stopped going to church, and he encouraged me to continue onward. I really loved talking to him. Like I said, I've only had positive experiences with bishops. I feel so bad for the few gay Mormons who have had negative experiences. I feel like those bishops are a small percentage of all Mormon bishops, but I could be wrong. I only say that because I've told 5 bishops/stake presidents, and I've only received kind, love-based counsel from them. Maybe I'm lucky. Maybe I'm blessed.

Either way, thank God for Mormon bishops!

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