Yep, I'm Still Gay

I realize I’ve been writing less frequently, and I apologize. I thought I’d give a quick update. It’s been more than four weeks since looking at porn! Yay!! Unfortunately, I was very tempted yesterday and ended up looking at hot guys in briefs and speedos. I realize that I shouldn’t have, but I’m trying not to get too down on myself because at least I just looked at the soft – very soft – stuff.

Also, I feel a bit bad that I have a crush on a kid in my class. He is good looking, funny, nice, etc. If he were gay, I’d date him – just to see what it would be like. Sometimes I think he might be gay, but other times I’m positive he’s not. It’s hard to tell. Actually, it’s not hard to tell. It’s obvious he’s part of the 95 percent crowd – a.k.a. heterosexual men in general. What I’d give to know for sure!

In the past two weeks I’ve masturbated once -- not bad, though I have much to improve on.

In summary, I am doing well with the porn thing, which is great regardless of what sexual orientation I decide to pursue. I’m doing alright with the masturbation thing. I’m doing really poorly when it comes to controlling my desires. I still want to find that perfect guy and date him. In fact, I’ve even created a profile on Yahoo! Personals. I did it because I hope to find some attractive guy who I can relate to. I know, my intentions with it are skewed. Personally, I doubt I will find anyone on Yahoo! Personals. It just seems like I’m never interested in the guys who are interested in me. (I’ve tried these things out before – it hasn’t worked yet.) I am really shallow apparently because if I am not physically attracted to the person, I don’t even give him a shot!

What do you do?