Thursday, February 02, 2006

Hit Me With The Consequences

As reported, tonight was my date with TDH. Oh wow. Where do I begin?

Let's start with the disappointing stuff – i.e., my fricking face! Apparently I'm still in junior high because for the past two days I've been battling these two HUGE zits on my nose. I look like a deformed Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer with two red, glowing globes protruding from my snout. These monster zits ticked me right off because they are MUCH bigger than my normal zits. I mean, I get pimples every once in a while, but they are never this big. I swear. At first I was a little self-conscious about it, but then I said to myself: "Screw it! If he can't get past a temporary zit – or two – then he's not worth it." It worked. I didn't think about it till I got home.

So we had dinner first. I'm happy to report that I felt nearly normal and comfortable with him. Very little nervousness or awkwardness. I also felt like I was talking more freely. I just had a good time. I can't even begin to tell you how funny this guy is. He's absolutely hilarious. I know ... he's hot, he's funny, and he's successful. You're probably thinking: "Gay Mormon is just twitterpated with some average guy. This happens to all first timers." I assure you – this guy is not average. And I'm not just saying that because he's hot. Like I've said before, personality does so much for me. A good-looking guy can become ugly in a second if I don't like his personality.

Anyhow, after dinner we went back to his place. Yeah, you can probably see where this is going. Don't stop reading. It's all good. We put on a movie, and we began watching it with both of us lying on the floor next to each other ... but not touching. After about 15 minutes, he got up for a drink. When he lay back down, his shoulder was touching me. I could have melted. We stayed like that for another 15 minutes or so. Then he went to the bathroom. When he came back, he lay down even closer to me. He put his hand out on the floor. I put my hand over his. We started holding hands. Then we moved on to full-blown cuddling. Again, I'm melting.

We cuddled for about 10 more minutes. Then he leaned over ... and ... he started kissing me. We made out for about 15 minutes. Then we stopped for about 10 minutes. Then we made out for another 15 or 20 minutes. And that was it! You don't believe me, but believe it. I may no longer have virgin lips, but I am definitely still a virgin! :) I didn't even lose anything in the process, if you know what I mean. I was actually surprised with my non-horniness. I just didn't feel the urge to go further than kissing and making out – even though I was excited at the time, if you know what I mean. In fact, I was laughing inside because I thought to myself: "Maybe I'm not gay. I mean, I'm not even close to wanting anything more than kissing." Of course, I enjoyed the make-out session a little too much to be considered straight.

The best part: he didn’t try to pressure me into anything I wasn't comfortable with. He placed his hand lightly over my crotch at one point, and I just gently moved his hand up to my stomach. He got the hint. It was funny because I was so nervous about the whole experience that I was literally shaking when we began kissing. It was a good nervousness, though. I had so much fun!

The weirdest part: I don't feel guilty at all. Not before, not during, not after. I was all grins coming home. I think I would feel differently if I had gone further than kissing. Fortunately, we didn't. I don't know what these guiltless feelings mean, but I accept them. Perhaps the guilt will hit later. Who knows...

The funniest part: he didn't know I was VL. I thanked him afterward for being such a great first kiss, and he about crapped his pants. I'm glad he didn't suspect anything – it makes me think I wasn't too horrible of a kisser. He said he was glad I hadn't told him beforehand because he would have been a lot more nervous. I had just assumed he knew. He knows I'm new to the gay dating world. That's funny.

I realize that TDH may never call me again. I wouldn't blame him. You should see the size of the zits on my nose. Plus, when I got home I had gel flakes all over my hair. It looked as if I had been rolling around in a tub of dandruff. Horrifying. In any case, I'm prepared for the disappointment that may be coming my way. I mean, I still think I am into him more than he's into me. Nonetheless, I'm happy. I feel so good right now. I'm still grinning. I'll just have to deal with the pain of rejection when that comes. For now, I'm just going to bask in the great feelings associated with kissing the guy of my dreams.

Thank you TDH!

Now, Internet friends, it's your turn to lay down the consequences for me saying I wouldn't kiss him. Can't wait to hear what you'd consider a fair punishment for my misdeeds.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bill here:

Sounds like the perfect first gay to me. While I agree it is important to set boundaries for yourself and to honor your own boundaries, they're still your boundaries and you can shift them as your own wisdom dictates. I think you should be allowed the kiss(s). It seems like you learned a lot of positive things from the experience. I'm really happy for you!

3:30 AM  
Blogger DCTwistedLife said...

Omg!!! I'm really happy for you!!!! Those are your consequences! Congrats :) :) :), and I am extra glad that you dont feel bad about it, because you shouldnt.

-DCTW

7:41 AM  
Blogger DCTwistedLife said...

BTW, I forgot to mention that I think that is the cutest story ever. Awww. ok, now i'm gonna try not to get emotional... lol...Im so happy for you! I'm really glad you had such a great first kiss experience, sounds like a great time ;)

7:44 AM  
Blogger CatchingWaterfalls said...

I think the consequence should be, you have to tell us if he calls and you have another date. Congratulations, I'm really happy for you.

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Scott said...

GM,

I'm very proud of you and your first kiss expirience. You handled everything perfectly. You had your boundaries and adjusted what you thought was necessary.

Sounds like you have a lovely date and a good time.

Cosequences to your actions?: Happiness

~Scott

9:59 AM  
Blogger David said...

I never felt any guilt after situations like that and even situations not exactly like that. ; ) I was surprised as well, but it was a welcome surprise.

2:55 PM  
Anonymous Linds said...

AWWWW!!! I'm so happy for you! I was smiling the whole way through. I know that feeling... Made me remember my first kiss with a girl... it's SO amazing. I'm so glad things are going so good for you!!!

9:46 PM  
Anonymous Dare said...

Kissing on your second date? You trollop! :-) Seriously, I think you did everything right. You thought it through ahead of time and then had the resolve to do just what you wanted and no more. And it sounds like it turned out great. Dinner, movie, cuddling, kissing…so very sweet! I’m very happy for you. Good luck! I hope it works out for the two of you!

10:00 PM  
Blogger Dave Walter said...

I'm glad you had such an excellent date, GM. It sounds perfect. Except for the zits.

12:10 AM  
Anonymous four said...

You seem rather self absorbed. If I didn't know better, I would guess you were between the ages of 15-17. Maybe if you were not so obsessed with yourself you would find some real meaning in your life. I don't say this to be mean. I don't know you from Adam. I have read your blogs from the beginning up til now and it really seems like you have spiraled downhill rather quickly into someone who is obsessed with himself and not very happy. Do you do anything in your life that is for the benefit of anyone else? Do you do anything that helps others? Do you do anything that is completely for someone else with no return? Have you ever done any volunteer work? If you have, how did you feel then? We all have our struggles and life is definitely not a cake walk, but you definitely seemed to have your head in a better place back in November 2004. Best of luck.

2:47 AM  

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