Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A Dream Come True...

My life fricking rocks. I don’t know if I say that enough, but it’s true. You will never believe what happened to me last night. This was honestly one of the craziest, coolest things ever!

I need to give some background first …

So, last year when I was in New York, I met a really good-looking guy in my ward. We’ll call him Jason. Jason and I became ward friends very quickly, meaning we would talk at church, but that was about it. We never hung out or anything, but we had good conversations during services. And he was friendly, cute, spiritual, funny, etc., so naturally I had a crush on him.

However, he was also engaged. As a result, I immediately labeled him as “unavailable” and didn’t think too much about him.

Well, yesterday, a friend of mine (who is also gay and Mormon) said some of his gay Utah friends were in town for the weekend. He invited me to hang out with them in the city. When I arrived, my Bay Area gay Mormon friend started the usual introductions. He said, “this is so-and-so, and this is so-and-so, and apparently you already know Jason.”

I gave my friend a funny look and said, “I do?” I then looked at Jason for a second. His face did seem familiar. Then Jason said, “Yeah, we met in New York. We were in the same ward.” It took me a few seconds longer, and then it clicked!

I blurted out, “You were engaged!!!”

He started laughing, and said, “Yes, good memory.” I asked if he was STILL engaged or married. He said no. I was a little confused at this point because I didn’t know if he was a straight guy hanging out with some homo momos, or if he was gay like the rest of us. He confirmed that indeed he is gay.

I felt bad that I didn’t recognize him, but can you blame me? He was out of context. I thought he was straight! I didn’t expect to meet him in a gay setting! Anyhow, he apparently broke off his engagement just a few weeks after I left New York.

So the night progresses.

I’m already very excited that my former crush is gay, but then the night got even better. Somehow we ended up in a club (kind of a long story), and Jason and I ended up dancing together. Very closely at times. Very, very closely. I can’t even begin to describe how cool this experience was.

I was in heaven. I was literally living some sort of dream reality. It was amazing. This guy whom I had swooned over for several weeks in New York was actually dancing with me. This was like some sort of gay romance novel, but better.

Unfortunately, that’s pretty much the end of the story. Nothing happened after that. Even worse, I later found out that he is kind of at the beginning of a relationship with another guy. But I don’t care. I had a great night. We just had a good time dancing and messing around. We would freak, and I liked it a lot. I don’t know how much was playful or how much was meaningful to him, but I loved it all. I now want to move back to Utah.

Of course, I won’t do that. I would never move to another state or change my job for a guy I hardly know. Needless to say, I wish I knew him better. I wish he were out here.

It’s kind of funny to contrast and compare this post with my last two …

Remember how I was all up in arms about that guy I really liked? So much for those feelings. Those attractions/emotions have more or less dropped off the radar. It’s amazing what a new crush can do for you. I am now very okay with just being friends with my Bay Area buddy.

Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me. I hate it when I do that. It’s probably a good thing that my NY crush is living in Utah and not here. I’m probably not ready for a relationship. I am too fricking retarded emotionally/relationshipally.

I’m just happy that I was able to live the first chapter or two of a gay romance novel. Now I have weeks to dream about the happy ending ...


Anonymous Deekay from France said...

I enjoyed reading your story. What a great experience it was for you! I wish i could have been in your shoes!

2:08 AM  
Blogger Dave Walter said...

Thanks, GM, for posting that. It sparked a memory of a similar experience I had. I wish all gay people could experience that. It's beyond wonderful, yes?

2:45 AM  
Blogger Gay Mormon said...


Indeed it was beyond wonderful! I can't even describe it. I just wish I could stop thinking about him! He's been on my mind ever since.

I maintain that emotions do suck. I have so little control over them. I wish I could just turn them on and shut them off at will.

Apparently they don't work like that. Oh well. Time will help me stop thinking about him. Thanks for your comment.


8:25 PM  
Anonymous Chip Deffaa said...

I am happy you guys got together, and clicked little. You may be surprised, as time passes, at how many people you've met who you assumed were straight turn out to be gay (or unsure). People who would not have opened up to you when they thought you were a completely heterosuexual Mormon... And, uh, don't wish you could turn your emotions on and off. They're what gives life its richness. Be glad you have these feelings. In time, you'll come to trust them more. And who knows--maybe that guy is thinking about you right now (not just you thinking about him). You never know. All best,

10:49 PM  
Anonymous Charles said...

I glad you had a chance to meet Jason and have your dance. I know what you mean about not being able to stop thinking about him. I met someone very early this year, and I can't get him out my head. I find myself every once in awhile thinking about him.

10:55 PM  

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