Sunday, July 02, 2006

I hate emotions

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: emotions and attraction suck!!! I hate them. I don’t understand them. But they piss me off.

Remember the one gay Mormon guy I’m attracted to? Well, yeah, I’m still highly attracted to him, yet he is NOT interested in me at all. Grrr. He is fine with being my friend, but he wants nothing more.

Life just isn’t fair! The unrequited love story is the oldest and most common story in the book. Why! Why can’t I just turn off this attraction? Why can’t I just talk myself out of it? I tried ... didn’t work. Why can’t I make him attracted to me?

I realize that I’m asking the most fundamental questions in life. I realize that this topic has been hashed and rehashed in literature, movies, plays, music, and real life. Yet, I can’t help but whine about it.

You know what the WORST part is! If he were into me, I probably wouldn’t feel nearly as attracted to him. He isn’t my typical type – neither personality wise nor physical wise. But I always seem to want what I can’t have. Another typical problem in my life.

Okay, I’m going to go mope now. I’ll be praying that God will make me not attracted to him anymore.


Blogger DCTwistedLife said...

If its meant to be it will be.... otherwise, you'll move on. Give it time, GM,

12:37 AM  
Blogger Beck said...

I'm convinced that when we are unsure of ourselves, as in my case, we tend to be attracted to those that we know deep down aren't attracted to us in the same way - for there is safety there, something that keeps the barriers up so that we don't really have to struggle with the hard questions of proceeding in a relationship, because we know that the attraction is one-sided. It's happened to me constantly. I'm attracted to the guy that will never by attracted to me. It's a game. It's full of fantacy but not reality. You know why? Because, it's safe.

10:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Beck's comment is very wise... It's like having a crush on a TV star who is unattainable. A lot of guys who've grown up very closeted will initially keep falling for straight guys or others with whom they know they have no chance. In time, as you get more comfortable with being gay, and feel more entitled to hapiness with another guy, you may find yourself falling for guys ith whom there's actually a chance. Good luck.

7:35 PM  

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