Tuesday, July 25, 2006

My dream is turning into a nightmare ... somebody help me please

This is the fourth time that I've started writing something for this entry, and I refuse to delete one more time. This is staying. I'm just trying to determine the tone of this post. I don't know if I should go for the "I'm pathetic and need help" tone or the "I think relationships and dating and attraction all suck" tone.

I seem to have used the latter in recent posts, so I guess I'll let my guard down and beg for help.

Here's the situation: I can't stop thinking about NY boy. Damn him and his attractiveness. I realize that I'm retarded and that I'm infatuated with a guy who lives too far away, but I can't help it. And though time will solve that problem, I don't know if I want it to.

So what do I do?

Do I try to start a long-distance friendship (and hope it develops into something more in the future)? Or do I let it go and just let time rid me of this little thing we call attraction?

Okay, let's assume I go for the first option. How much interest do I show in this fellow? I mean, it's not like we can date each other when we have Nevada between us. However, I'd love to get to know him. You never know what the future holds. If he were worth it, I'd move back to Utah.

So I emailed him a week ago, and it took him five days (a very painful five days) for him to reply. He says he doesn't get online much these days. But, honestly, how can he survive without the Internet at least a few times a week? In any case, he was kind enough to provide his phone number. I just don't know if going straight to the phone is the best method.

However, he doesn't use email nearly enough, and it drives me crazy, but I don't want to seem like a stalker who needs communication every other day (even if that might be true).

I'd really love to hear your thoughts on how I should approach this relationship. Remember that I'm relationshipally retarded and I need all the help I can get. Comment here or email me at gay.mormon@yahoo.com. FOR THE LOVE, SOMEBODY HELP ME!


Blogger Dave Walter said...

I can't write much now, because the Lunesta is kicking in and I'll say stupid stuff. One suggestion in the meantime: Do a Google search for "infatuation" and see whether/how it applies to you.

3:45 AM  
Blogger Elbow said...

You are so cute. Twiterpation is fun when it's all over and done with, but when you're in the thick of it...it's horrible!

I suggest you call the guy, tell him that you had a great time with him, and that you would love to chat online or talk sometime. Let him know that you are interested in a casual way.

The longer you sit by your computer screen waiting for him to hit you back, the more and more obsessed you'll be.

I'm glad that you like somebody enough to care like this, but you have to remember that you don't really like him for who he really is...you like what you are transfering onto him.

I think you are so great. I haven't commented in awhile and I miss our communication. I hope all is well otherwise.

Take care.

11:43 AM  
Anonymous Charles said...

Going to agree with Elbow. Call him!


7:56 PM  
Blogger Dave Walter said...

GM, I think the key thing for you to consider is that he "is kind of at the beginning of a relationship with another guy." It's not an optimal time for you to pursue him. It could be very uncomfortable for him if you were to try to establish even a casual friendship at this point.

It's also possible that he's confident enough in his new relationship that he wouldn't be worried that responding to overtures from you would threaten the relationship. Finally, it's possible he's not really that interested in his current boyfriend and would find you a preferable mate.

Given that you don't know what's going on in his mind at the moment, I think you should be cautious and assume he may not welcome a temptation to stray from a commitment to his boyfriend.

As I suggested in my earlier comment, I think you should determine whether you're just infatuated with him. If you think that might be the case, then consider waiting a bit before making a move. That way you won't do anything you'll later regret or be embarrassed by, such as coming on way too strongly.

If I were in your situation, assuming I was not just infatuated, I'd try to get up the nerve to call the guy and tell him that I felt great being with him and that he was exactly the kind of guy I'd love to date. But I'd immediately follow up by saying I realized he was in a relationship and that I absolutely didn't want to interfere with that. I'd say that I would really like for us to keep in touch, if that's OK with him, but just as friends. And then the ball would be in his court.

I don't know; it's a tough call. If you call him and are honest with him, he might respond in a way that will disappoint you. But if you don't call him, you may end up kicking yourself for a long time to come.

2:12 AM  
Blogger Matty said...

What have you got to lose? Let him know exactly how you feel, infatuation and hesitation and all, and see how he responds. Then take it from there.

Lots of wonderful relationships have started long-distance (mine included.) I recommend the book "The Long Distance Relationship Guide" to get an idea of how LDR can work and if you're up for it.

10:01 PM  

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