Monday, October 23, 2006

Pretty or Personality

Last night I went out with a group of gay guys – including the guy from Folsom and his funny friend. We had a great time. Again, I was faced with the same dilemma as last time. One guy has the looks. The other guy has the personality. What do I do?

I honestly love hanging out with Personality. He and I share the same sense of humor, and we can joke and talk with ease. I just love thinking back to our conversations because I start laughing again -- often out loud. His humor is so classic.

Not only is his personality funny, but he's also smart and successful. He has a great education behind him, and he is currently working for a great company in a great position.

Because I’m psycho, I start to entertain the thought of spending my life with him. It would be great in so many respects. He's one of those people who makes you want to achieve more, push yourself a little harder, do something great/noble. I think we'd be a winning combo in that respect.

I also think he's a really genuine person who would stick with me during thick and thin. He makes fun of the foggy thing many gay men call "commitment." I just think he is really interested in having a meaningful, long-term relationship.

He invited me to stay at his house last night. All of these thoughts were on my mind as we were driving back to his place. I mean, I could date him and have a great time. I'd laugh a lot. I'd be driven to success. I'd have a loving, committed partner. So what if I'm not romantically tied to him. So what if I am not attracted to him physically. I'm sure I could make this work, and it makes sense. The least I could do is try things out ...

At this point, reality hits me like a ton of bricks!


I dropped him off at his house and then went and spent the night with Looks.

Monday, October 16, 2006


So, the guy that I had a huge crush on back in July ... not attractive to me AT ALL anymore! Very fascinating how quickly attraction can change. I just got to know the dude a lot better this weekend, and I quickly learned that his personality isn't a good fit with mine.

Attraction is such a weird thing!

David - THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENT on my last post. :)

Friday, October 13, 2006


I talked to my boss today about my sexuality. She was, as predicted, very cool with it. I went into her office, and she brought up my hickey (which is still very embarrassing). Yes, I had a fricking hickey from my night with Folsom boy. I have no clue how it got there. He honestly did not do any crazy kissing or sucking or whatnot on my neck, so it’s a mystery to me. Maybe in my sleep? ;) Kidding.

Anyhow, I just told my boss the hickey story, speaking as if she knew I was gay. It was an excellent approach because she knew I was gay, so it minimized the awkwardness. I’m pretty lucky because we ended up bonding during our convo. I’m so glad my boss is a woman, though. It would be different to talk to a male boss about my sexuality.

Speaking of telling men ... I also talked to a co-worker (via IM) about my sexuality. He also knew. Damn it! I’m sick of people knowing I’m gay long before I talk to them about it. Can’t just one of them act surprised! Do me a fricking favor and pretend you’re surprised the next time someone tells you he’s gay. It’ll make him feel better.

I’m still not comfortable enough to talk openly about my sexuality at work. Clearly people already know I’m gay anyway, so it probably doesn’t matter one way or the other.

My co-worker disagrees. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it at work because I didn’t want people to be uncomfortable. His response to that comment: “Don’t you think it makes people a lot more uncomfortable when they have to tiptoe around the subject because you aren’t open about it?”

NOT WHEN I’M THE ONE WHO FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE!!! When I said I don’t want “people” to feel uncomfortable, I was talking about ME! Of course people at work are “comfortable” with this topic. That’s what corporate America and American culture have taught us to be – comfortable with uncomfortable things. Nonetheless, I can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable. (Or a lot uncomfortable.)

And I can’t help but think (and notice) that others are uncomfortable underneath their comfortableness.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

The least likely place to meet a quality guy ...

My head hurts. My body aches. It feels like it’s 110 degrees in here. Yes, I’m sick. Ugh. I didn’t go into work today, so I guess this gives me a good excuse to post something to my long-lost blog.

I’m still alive. I don’t have a great excuse for not posting for such a long time. I just never felt like I had anything worth posting ... until two weeks ago. Two weekends ago I ended up going to the Folsom Street Fair. Has anyone heard of this? Well, let me wrap it up for you in four words: disgusting, horrifying, inappropriate, and wrong.

This fair was a very traumatic experience for me. I can’t even begin to tell you what I witnessed that day. I saw men masturbating in the street. I saw men receiving/giving blowjobs. I saw men being whipped and spanked and beat (I really do not understand the whole S&M culture). I saw an unbelievable amount of male genitalia. And all of this happened in broad daylight. I honestly felt so dirty and gross that I just wanted to go home and shower.

These men had no shame. Now, you may be thinking, “That sounds pretty hot.” Well, it wasn’t. There is an unwritten rule that only disgusting men/women can expose themselves. I feel bad for these guys. They obviously need attention and are willing to do anything for it.

Anyhow, let me get to the good part. At the end of the street, there was loud techno music playing (I hate techno) and a bunch of people dancing. A friend and I went dancing for about 20 minutes, and as we were leaving the dance area, I caught the eye of this really good-looking guy. He was fully clothed and looked very down to earth.

He turns to me and says, “You look out of place.” Which I did! I was wearing a polo shirt and jeans. Everyone around me was wearing leather, chains, or no clothes at all. I laughed, and we began chatting for a few minutes. Turns out he was not a fan of the street fair either. At the end of our convo, we exchanged contact info. I can’t tell you how excited I was. This guy was HOT! I’m not used to getting HOT guys’ numbers.

He and I started emailing that week, and then we arranged to meet up this past weekend. We went to dinner and then to a few bars. We then went back to his house. I had a great time with him that night. It had been so long since I had been with a guy – unfortunately, that was obvious.

Let me illustrate my point: while we were kissing, I accidentally lost my gum, and it ended up in his hair! Ha! I’m so retarded. It was so awkward having to stop making out so that we could cut the gum out of his hair. Talk about a turnoff.

Anyhow, to make a long story short, I had a great time with him. We don’t have the best chemistry, and I don’t see us ever dating, but he’s a great guy. I hope to stay friends with him.

It sucks because I am attracted to him physically, but our personalities aren’t a great fit. Isn’t that how it works, though? Either he’s good looking or he has a great personality. You can’t have both. Ha!