I'm going to live!

I really liked all the comments on the last post. Very entertaining. Thanks for posting them.

You’ll all be relieved to know that I am recovering well from my horrible disease. I finally caved and went to the doctor last Saturday to get an antibiotic. Besides getting the antibiotic, the doctor visit was worthless (that was my second visit ever to the doctor’s office – I’ve lived a fairly healthy life).

Anyhow, my visit confirmed my belief that going to the doctor for illnesses other than cancer is stupid. Let’s be honest ... I only went because I feared the lumps in my neck were cancerous. (My hypocondriacness got the best of me.) After a few short questions and a couple pokes, the doctor sent me on my way with some pennicillin. She didn't even really pay attention to the lumps in my neck. For all she knows, I could have alien babies growing in my neck!

Enough of the doctor soapbox. < / soapbox >

So I did go to the Web site www.perfectrighteousness.com as one reader suggested. The tone is very protestant/baptisty. The whole site really rips the Mormon doctrine of salvation and forgiveness. Most readers probably know this already, but Mormons believe salvation requires both works and grace. How dare the Mormons suggest salvation is not simply a matter of saying, “I accept Jesus”! Ha!

No, I appreciate that Web site's perspective on religion. I think all of us have a lot to learn about grace and Christ’s atonement.

That said, I doubt I could ever be Christian if I’m not Mormon. I just have a hard time with a lot of mainstream Christianity – likely a result of growing up in a very structured church. I would just have to find spirituality through other means. I would have a hard time attending any other organized religion.

Isn’t it interesting how very few openly gay men participate in organized religion? Maybe that’s not true. That’s just how it seems to me. In fact, my friend, Amber, was telling me how she thinks it’s so odd that I’m religious and gay (i.e., that I still go to church and don’t have a problem with Christianity). She said all of her gay friends have a lot of resentment toward religion. I can understand their concerns.

Anyhow ... I’ve been hanging out with Mormons a lot lately. I really love Mormons. I just wish I had a chance with some of the guys. Ha! My roommate asked me the other day why I hang out with Mormons when I know I won’t be able to hook up with any of them (he knows I’m gay).

I think it’s pretty simple: I have a good time when I’m with Mormons. Sure, I might not have a chance at a relationship with any dudes, but I do have a very good chance of making friends for life. It’s time well spent, in my opinion.

Hell

I have come down with this horrible cold. Not only do I have a cold, but I have these little lumps at the base of my head and a lot of soreness in the neck. Probably cancer. (I’m a bit of a hypochondriac – it’s always cancer.)

I actually started thinking about what I’d do if I died the next day. I must admit that I would start praying. Mainly for mercy. Heaven knows I’ve got sins. Is my gayness (and gay actions) part of those sins? Dunno. But I sure hope God would be merciful.

If I do end up in hell (along with all you other gays out there), I’ll be sad to not have my family with me. But at least I’ll be surrounded by a lot of funny people. I think the funniest people probably go to hell. See … even hell has benefits.

Changing Minds ...

I love my friends. Did I mention that I came out to my best friend from SLC back in January? Actually, I might not have mentioned it. I believe at the time I had a good reason for withholding that info. But I don’t remember that reason.

Anyhow, it was a little awkward for me and her at first. When I would talk about going on dates with guys, it would make her feel uncomfortable. So I decided it would be best to stop talking about my dates with her. That was a good call.

I knew she was sympathetic, but she disagreed with my choices. I didn’t realize how much she really felt for me, until yesterday. I was talking to her, and she told me how she got in an argument with some guys at a party over homosexuality. Apparently some of the guys (mainly just one of them) were being extremely homophobic and irrational about the topic. But don’t worry: she set them straight … er … showed them the gay perspective.

This friend is a FANTASTIC debater. She kicked their asses! That was the consensus from the spectators at the party. Anyhow, she debated the issue with passion, compassion, and intelligent arguments. The guy argued himself into a corner with his homophobic rhetoric.

I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I am of my friend. In fact, I’m positive that I wouldn’t have been nearly as passionate about the topic had I been there. I would have discussed it, but I know I wouldn’t have been as harsh. She really cornered the guy in his stupidity. Ha!

I always thought coming out would help my friends and family better understand and appreciate the issue. I’m glad I was right.

Here is my favorite part from our online conversation:

Friend: “You have expanded my views a lot.”
Me: “I must admit that I doubt I would have been as passionate in my arguments.”
Friend: “I think I was passionate because I feel like they are saying it to/about you - and that gets the emotion in it.”

For some reason I was touched by that part. It makes coming out all worth it. :)

Isn't it obvious that I'm gay?

I had such a good day at church today. Not only did I get to chat with a cool guy in my ward, but I also became friends with some really cool girls. I anticipate some great friendships with these girls. (Like I've said before, the church makes meeting people really easy.)

I am a bit concerned, though. I feel bad that these girls may be interested in more than just friendship. I don't know that they are, but I would hate to break their hearts down the road. It has happened before – which amazes me, by the way. I still can’t figure out why people think I’m straight. Just because I don’t openly talk about being attracted to men does NOT mean I like women. Moreover, there are tons of signs that clearly indicate queer.

If I were to meet myself, I’d know I’m gay. It’s so obvious to me. For one thing, if I were interested in chicks, I'd be married by now. I am Mormon!!! You’d think most Mormon girls would consider that. After all, I’m charming, handsome, friendly, communicative, and essentially perfect – what else would be keeping me from marriage. (Joking, by the way!) Oh well ... people will figure it out, slowly but surely.

By the way, I am a little nervous about my boss finding out I'm gay. I recently learned that my boss is a very hardcore, Christian Republican (which is also a good way to describe my family, ironically), and I fear my boss may not be down with homo-ness. I would hate for my gayness to affect my job status. That would stink.

On another note, any good ideas for a mother's day present?

Loving Orson's metaphor ...

Orson's metaphor for the toilet paper was extremely well put! (See previous post's comments.) I really had not even thought about a metaphor for the toilet paper; I was just complaining about my annoying one ply. Anyhow, the analogy was genius.

Who knew one-ply toilet paper could give me so much to think about?

(Though I have to say, I feel the metaphor would have been more relevant for me about a year ago. Regardless, it's a very applicable life principle, generally speaking.)

One Ply

I bought a four pack of one-ply toilet paper over a month ago. I just barely finished the first roll. Will this shitty toilet paper ever run out?

Maybe this toilet paper is a metaphor for life ... probably not. Just a never-ending annoyance!

Wanna do something good for the environment? Buy one ply. Wanna make your ass hate you? Buy one ply.